An odd storm brews outside, plump grey clouds have been moving in at various speeds all day. It’s got a very tropical feeling to it, as the temperature outside is at least 80 degrees. Quite unusual for this area which generally gets cold weather storms and occasional spring showers.
I can’t even recall a true thunderstorm in the past 2.5 years I have lived here. In fact, I believe that the first seasonal rain was just this time last year, and it definately wasn't warm.
The first drops have just begun to fall as I write this and I cannot ignore the connection of what a mirror it seems to my emotions the past few days. Partly sunny, partly cloudy, possible thunderstorms. Although I am generally pretty happy, I have felt quite oddly melancholy at times for no specific tangible reason I can discern. There are certainly a few things going on that have a stressful quality to them at the moment, but this has felt much deeper and more unfocused.
I hesitate to admit that I actually cried myself to sleep last night, fat hot tears absorbed into the pillow, a frustration and despair that felt a bit overwhelming and even a little scary. I cannot recall the last time I did that. It made me long for the days when my parents could hug and comfort me and I believed them and it made everything alright.
Sometimes it is hard being a grown -up! :)
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