I really do not need to know if you are getting married, buying a house, or finding yourself wildly successful at your own new small business, or just thrilled with your job. I wish everyone the absolute best of everything, and am genuinely happy for anyone who achieves any measure of joy, success and love, but right now, I really do not want to hear about it.
It truly seems like every single person I have spoken to recently is simply gushing about one of the above. I presently find myself completely single, totally renting, not really loving my work, and thoroughly frustrated by the constraints I find myself struggling against in the quest towards achieving any of my dreams.
I am a pretty cheerful and rational person most of the time, but I too have my limits, and today I really felt like I had been kicked in the stomach and haven't quite been able to shake it.
All of my life I have felt as though I am supposed to do something really huge and important, and that I would have a good life, and yet, I cannot seem to figure out how to achieve that and I see time and life passing me by at an alarming rate. Surviving takes a great deal of energy, and doing everything by myself is a big weight. I am plain and simply tired. There just has to be more, but I lack confidence that I have any energy left to nurture that and am secretly beginning to wonder if it is even possible. Some day's, everything just feels really big, and really scary. But, "...I will survive..hey, hey..."
Cheers to all that are making it happen, cheers to all that are still struggling, cheers to all. And now I seriously need a cold beer!
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